Deep thinking tonight, where I have the chance to go to bed, not early, but ability to go to bed and not wake up at a certain early time. I'm not gonna lie, usually something negative prompts me to write. As a human, it's just as natural for me to only vent and speak when I'm sad, not when I'm content in life. The truth is....
A long time ago I asked God for wisdom, just like Solomon prayed to God for wisdom. And I sincerely think He did answer this prayer, but in the same way that he did Solomon, that "with wisdom comes great responsibility" to quote a certain movie, and that it opens up many other cans of worms that we have to be prepared to accept. I remember in Old Testament Poetry with Trotter how Solomon tried so hard to find happiness in every possible he could, he concludes with "...nothing was gained under the sun".
Nothing is gained under the sun. Nothing we achieve on earth means anything, and I'm guessing it means nothing without God, and I'm guessing hence our whole purpose. Our job is to bring people to him, to worship, and to relate to him, supposedly the only real thing worth meaning "under the sun". I do truly believe this. But my struggle is constantly how do we relate with one another, be married and fruitful? Is that meaningless? Does that mean I spend too much wasted energy (and I know I most certainly do) on the things I want in life? And if so is it pretty much pointless for us to set specific other goals if that's not our purpose in life? See I'm struggling with this whole doing my purpose, and the concept of letting something go and just spending time totally wrapped up in that mission, than CABOOM, there's mate right in front of you, you get married and if you like make babies. It seems nonsense...
But yet we're meant to relate and obviously procreate hence forth there would be no population..
As you can see...very frustrating, very confusing. I don't want to wallow until he comes, which ever he comes first, but I'm struggling on where I should be, what I should be doing.
Believe me it is so hard for me not to pout right now, to say that it's so unfair that no guy is has ever treated me romantically in a right way, that I've been used and unfairly lead on for selfish reasons...but the truth is, I could do that and lose all hope there....I suppose, I need to channel ol' Solomon. I can't go no where under the sun without God, because it all is pointless...so I hold on and cling for dear life I suppose...
