"We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths." -Walt Disney

So a moment of just talking for a sec...

I'm getting that all too familiar feeling again that I'm chasing, and not the one being chased anymore, that things just aren't right...

It's not a good feeling and I'm in no way ready to deal with it again, as I spent two years doing it before. I'm not bitter, just...I like for people to be honest with me, upfront, because Lord knows I can come up with the worst scenarios and ideas of what's wrong with things in my head, and I can deal with the truth by making a plan, or letting things come to a close....I'm rambling, but anyway. I just don't want to go back to following, chasing, wishing, hoping, and praying for something that has no chance, because there's too much going on in life....

With that said...

Test today was not too awful, and I hope that my gut feeling is correct that I did ok. I'm excited about clinicals this week because if I read it correctly, I think I'll be going to a flu clinic Thursday to give flu shots all day. I'm pretty excited about it as I couldn't possibly miss a moment to give someone a shot, lol...just kidding, but really I love getting to practice my skills as doing helps the learning. 

With that said, made the Chicken Pot pie and Apple cheesecake recipes, both which were very good. I'm thinking about making this tomorrow:

Mexican Pizza

Ingredients:
1/2 lb ground beef
taco seasoning
1/4 cup water
4 flour tortillas (10 inch)
cooking spray
2 tbsp chopped green onions
1/2 can (8 ounces) refried beans
1 cup diced tomatoes
1/2 cup taco sauce
1 cup shredded cheese
sliced black olives, optional

Directions:

Heat a large skillet over medium heat and cook the ground beef until brown, drain. Return to the heat and add the onion & pepper, taco seasoning and water. Continue to cook for several minutes, until cooked through, stirring often.

Spray both sides of each tortilla with cooking spray and place directly on the middle rack of your oven. Bake for about 6 minutes, turning halfway through, until golden brown and crispy. Watch carefully so they do not burn. Remove to a baking sheet.

Microwave the refried beans for 30-60 seconds, or until spreadable.

Lay 2 tortillas out on a baking sheet; top each with a spoonful of the beans, ground beef, and 1/4 cup cheese. Top with another tortilla and lightly press down.

Top the second tortillas each with 1/4 cup taco sauce. Layer with diced tomatoes, cheese, green onions and a few black olives.

Bake for 5-10 minutes or until cheese is melted. Cut into wedges and top with sour cream and/or salsa if desired. 

Derived from: http://www.deliciousmeliscious.com/2009/07/mexican-pizza.html

"I am waiting for my case to come up and I am waiting for a rebirth of wonder..." -Lawrence Ferlinghetti

My weekends are running away from me. They are way too short! Have another test tomorrow in OB. Gotta study more for it here in a bit, but got up and wanted to exercise with a vengeance! I'm so glad I did, it felt so good, and my body always feels so good after I do it too. Now to get a shower and clean up and study before I start dinner, but I thought I would post two of the recipes I'm trying out today. Ryan and his friend are coming over to eat most likely so I'm making a double recipe of the first one:

Chicken Potpie 

2 c low sodium chicken stock
1 c whole milk
2 Tbs butter
2 onions, finely chopped
2 carrots, diced
3 celery stalks, diced
3 cloves garlic, minced
Salt and Pepper
1 c frozen peas
1 c frozen corn kernels
2 c cooked chicken, cut into small chunks
¼ c plus 1 Tbs all-purpose flour
Fresh thyme leaves
Single crust pastry dough
1 egg


Pour the chicken stock and milk into a saucepan. Simmer over medium-low heat. Cover and keep warm.

Melt butter in a dutch oven over medium-high heat. Add onions, carrots, celery, and garlic and sauté until vegetables are soft. Season with salt and pepper. Add the peas and corn and cook another 2 minutes. Stir in the chicken.

Sprinkle the flour over the chicken mixture and stir until combined. Pour in the chicken stock mixture and keep stirring until the flour has dissolved. Place the mixture into a 2 quart casserole or individual casseroles. Sprinkle thyme leaves over the top. Roll out pastry dough and cover the casserole dish(es). Crimp to seal the edges.

Beat the egg with a little bit of water in a small bowl. Brush the egg wash over the pastry dough. Bake in a 375 degree oven for about 20 minutes, or until crust is golden brown. Garnish with some thyme sprigs. Let cool for 15 minutes before serving. 

Copied from: http://kokocooks.blogspot.com/

Instead of making one big dish I'm thinking about making individual ramekins of pot pie, doesn't that sound like fun! Then for dessert...

Caramel Apple Cheesecake Bars

Ingredients:
 2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
2 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup sugar, plus 2 tablespoons, divided
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored and finely chopped
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Streusel topping, recipe follows

1/2 cup caramel topping

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
 
In a medium bowl, combine flour and brown sugar. Cut in butter with a pastry blender until mixture is crumbly. Press evenly into a 13 by 9 by 2-inch baking pan lined with heavy-duty aluminum foil. Bake 15 minutes or until lightly browned.

In a large bowl, beat cream cheese with 1/2 cup sugar in an electric mixer at medium speed until smooth. Then add eggs, 1 at a time, and vanilla. Stir to combine. Pour over warm crust.

In a small bowl, stir together chopped apples, remaining 2 tablespoons sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Spoon evenly over cream cheese mixture. Sprinkle evenly with Streusel topping. Bake 30 minutes, or until filling is set. Drizzle with caramel topping.

Streusel Topping:
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup quick cooking oats
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened

In a small bowl, combine all ingredients.

Yield: approximately 3 cups  

 Derived from: http://www.deliciousmeliscious.com/

So so excited! More later! I'll tell you how it all went...

"...the dog days are over..." "Dog Days Are Over" -Florence and the Machine

OH MY GOSH!!!! My Impatience is about to eat me up! Geez oh peet!

"What do you do with the left over you and how do you know when its time to let go where does the good go" "Where Does the Good Go" -Tegan and Sara

Sometimes it's so hard to know when you've gone too far, or to know when to hold back. I find that it doesn't matter what I do sometimes, I will take something too far, get too emotional, or put too much in before I've taken a moment to be patient, pull the reigns in, and chill. It comes with being eager, it's not done (at least in my situations) because I'm anxious, or intense, it comes from being assured of what I know I feel about something or want to do and excitement. Anyway....it's just hard to know when to slow down, to chill. And then when you do realize it's that time, to just...wait. To not think about it, or let it eat at you because you're fretting over it, worrying you've already gone too far or made it worse. Waiting for an answer or outcome...it just drives you crazy. I am referring to a certain situation, but I'm going to play the vague card for now. But just thinking about a lot tonight.

My test today was not so good. I've spent a lot of time doing other things the last few nights, and I have studied too, but I obviously didn't study enough. Then again nothing could have fully prepared me for the mess of a test it was today. Everything was just so vague and the questions were not good. I swear they're truly are trying to weed us out this semester. I've been messing with my grades all afternoon trying to figure out the best scenarios based on how I feel I might have done today. I guess at this point, I'm begging and praying that I made an 80 at all. We will see...

Ate dinner with the guys tonight. It was good to see Ryan, back from his trip with his international students he teaches they had the last four or five days for Fall break. Derek and Fultz too...I needed a fun hang out and chat, eat dinner night.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you dont find me attractive..." -Tegan and Sara..."Where Does the Good Go"

Making this today....

                                                                   Coca-Cola Cake

                                     http://www.plainchicken.com/2011/09/coca-cola-cake.html

...and then maybe this...depending on time....

                       Chicken, Mushrooms, and Artichoke Hearts with Cheese Tortellini

http://www.deliciousmeliscious.com/2008/12/chicken-mushrooms-and-artichoke-hearts.html

So glad to have gotten to sleep in today. If there is anything that will never change about me as I age, at least I don't predict it changing, it's being able to sleep in. My bed was so comfy and I definitely just laid in it and felt like I was in heaven for a bit. 

Been trying really hard to study, to focus. It's been hard. I'm not extremely interested in Respiratory stuff and my mind is on other things these days...good things :) but still other things. 

I do have a comment to make...women out there, finding the right kind of guy, and experiencing the difference between him and the bimbo you had before...there's just nothing like it. I mean, it knocks you off your feet, because if you're like me, you're ready for him to say or do something stupid that you've come to get used to, and then he doesn't, and he says what he should say if he's a gentleman. You're like, what the hell?! Not to mention, you're wondering how the other guy went through life being the idiot he is, and I guess you kind of feel sorry for him too, because he's got it all wrong, going the opposite of how he should be for life to be better for him, and he doesn't get it, doesn't see it. 

That's my random thoughts for the day...there might be more later, who knows :) Happy Sunday!

"Tiny Vessels" -Death Cab for Cutie

Making this yumminess tonight...

                                                           Chicken and Biscuits

I'll tell you how it is after we've devoured it! Check the recipe out here http://www.bhg.com/recipe/chicken/chicken-and-biscuits/

"Christian: Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months. And then, one not-so-very special day, I went to my typewriter, I sat down, and I wrote our story. A story about a time, a story about a place, a story about the people. But above all things, a story about love. A love that will live forever. The End. Christian: The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -from the movie "Moulin Rouge"

So uncertainty kills me. I know I'm not the only one. We all want to know where we're supposed to go and what we're meant to do. I know for now what I'm meant to be...but the rest I'm waiting in anticipation...

I think failure is hard too. I find I won't start something if I know I'll fail, and over the last few years I've worked to abate this issue as I would never get finished or try anything in life if I didn't try things, even with the chance of failure. All this makes me sound like a control freak, but I'm not. I guess being goal oriented is just a more difficult task for me.

I guess you're wondering what got this thought started. Getting to know new people and trying to explain myself, who I am gets me evaluating more of myself, and that's when I start to see myself more, at least through other people's eyes. That sounds vague, and I'll try to explain it. You see I'm ok with taking the time to experience and learn from those experiences. I'm ok with the fact that that takes time, but I sometimes worry that others do not agree. I'm ok with gray areas and being able to be in the "dark and twisty" moments as they show me how to feel and have a heart for others, to see other perspectives and not be so judgemental.

So I guess what I'm saying is I'm growing, I'm learning still...I'm not giving up on things, but taking my time and cautiously going through new, and uncharted territory. I'm learning patience, and what to do while I'm trying to be patient, like my homework (haha) and spending time with the people I have here before it's too late and I have to move from them, or enjoying my family who want to help me succeed and being young, without too many life obligations, besides job and school. Trying to be ok with mundane as that's something I'm not good with doing. 

"Fried chicken just tend to make you feel better about life." -Minny Jackson from the book "The Help"

Been a good last few days. New things...exciting things. But I'm staying up way way too late, until the early morning hours, like all nighters, which I haven't done since I my freshmen sophomore years at Johnson. Sheesh...but they're worth it.

So...made this yumminess last night for dinner with my friend Ryan and his friend Fultz. Both turned out amazingly (there's one serving left of the casserole, and only the three of us ate it!). Here's the recipes...

Bubble Up Enchiladas

Weight Watcher Recipes 5 points

1 pound ground turkey
1 (10 ounce) can enchilada sauce
1 (8 ounce) can tomato sauce
1 can reduced fat refrigerator biscuits
1 ¼ cups shredded low fat Mexican Cheese

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brown turkey and drain if needed. Mix in a can of enchilada sauce and tomato sauce. Cut the refrigerated biscuits into fourths and stir them in the meat mixture. Then you just dump it all in a greased casserole and bake for 25 minutes. Take out of oven and sprinkle cheese on top. Bake an additional 10 minutes. Let stand for 5 minutes before serving.

You can make this into 6 or 8 servings

http://www.recipe-diaries.com

This is amazing! Then for dessert...

 The Perfect Brownies

½ cups sugar

¾ cup flour

¾ cup cocoa powder (see note below)

3 eggs

¾ cup butter, melted

¾ cup semi-sweet chocolate chips (see note below)

Directions 

  Combine the sugar, flour, cocoa, eggs and melted butter and mix. Do this by hand, until the dry ingredients are just incorporated into the wet, and stop. Stir in the chocolate chips. Line a 9×13 baking dish with parchment.  Pour the batter and spread it out. Don’t try to spread it like mayo on bread, or you’ll move the parchment around. Poke at it with the tip of a rubber spatula. Bake at 325° for 20-30 minutes. It’s done when a toothpick inserted in the tallest part comes out clean.  

http://cooklikeyourgrandmother.com

 

Perfect perfect homemade brownies! Check out more, it had some great recipes!

FALL IS HERE!!!

 ...and it was BEAUTIFUL outside today! The air was crisp, clean, and just a tad bid chilly with a slight breeze. I put up my fall/halloween decor today when I got back from my parents in Cookeville. Here are a few pics.

Isn't it cute!

 The mums mom planted for a few weeks ago are blooming nicely...and here's the inside decor...

 Fall makes me feel so so good. I can't describe it. Just an amazing time of year. So after clinicals yesterday, which was another great experience, I headed to my hometown to see my family. My brother and his new girlfriend were there and mom felt like we should have a family night and rather was missing me not there with the family.
We roasted hotdogs on the fire pit and had chili and mom had hung up here halloween orange lights and owls we used to hang up when we went camping. It was quite nice and the stars were beautiful. Mom invited the Cross', old family friends of ours and it was good to catch up with them as well. I will say I went to bed early cause I was dead tired from little sleep the last few days, but it was enjoyable to spend time with everyone. Making homemade chicken noodle soup and veggin' out here soon. Gotta work tomorrow...