"Christian: Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months. And then, one not-so-very special day, I went to my typewriter, I sat down, and I wrote our story. A story about a time, a story about a place, a story about the people. But above all things, a story about love. A love that will live forever. The End. Christian: The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -from the movie "Moulin Rouge"

So uncertainty kills me. I know I'm not the only one. We all want to know where we're supposed to go and what we're meant to do. I know for now what I'm meant to be...but the rest I'm waiting in anticipation...

I think failure is hard too. I find I won't start something if I know I'll fail, and over the last few years I've worked to abate this issue as I would never get finished or try anything in life if I didn't try things, even with the chance of failure. All this makes me sound like a control freak, but I'm not. I guess being goal oriented is just a more difficult task for me.

I guess you're wondering what got this thought started. Getting to know new people and trying to explain myself, who I am gets me evaluating more of myself, and that's when I start to see myself more, at least through other people's eyes. That sounds vague, and I'll try to explain it. You see I'm ok with taking the time to experience and learn from those experiences. I'm ok with the fact that that takes time, but I sometimes worry that others do not agree. I'm ok with gray areas and being able to be in the "dark and twisty" moments as they show me how to feel and have a heart for others, to see other perspectives and not be so judgemental.

So I guess what I'm saying is I'm growing, I'm learning still...I'm not giving up on things, but taking my time and cautiously going through new, and uncharted territory. I'm learning patience, and what to do while I'm trying to be patient, like my homework (haha) and spending time with the people I have here before it's too late and I have to move from them, or enjoying my family who want to help me succeed and being young, without too many life obligations, besides job and school. Trying to be ok with mundane as that's something I'm not good with doing.