I miss Xanga where I would have tons of people to post comments, give me advice as I blogged and make me feel somewhat better during my crappy times, but alas no one reads this and my one friend that does never comments, if she even reads it so...
I've done everything possible today to feel better about life, the prick Justin, and just my lonely pathetic situation in general, hah, I even joined another dating site. I just feel...gosh I feel like I repel all that is good in a man. I get the sleezy ones that just like the big girls and want to be sexual with no real grit to them. I want to be swept off my feet in love and in romance and to snuggle together and sleep huddled together at night in the bed.
I'm bitter, at God, at myself, and Justin, and my parents. My parents would tell me as usual that I had to be thinner to get a husband. I say you don't, and there's proof of it, just not my own proof. I'm tired of making excuses for Justin, though I'm no fool, I truly believe some of it. I just think he has so much more growing up to do and I don't know if he'll do it in time for us to work out together. I'm exhausted of the situation...and I want out but I am genuinely terrified of being alone the rest of my life, to not get to fulfill the dream of being a wife and mother. Is there anybody who loves me?
I've done everything possible today to feel better about life, the prick Justin, and just my lonely pathetic situation in general, hah, I even joined another dating site. I just feel...gosh I feel like I repel all that is good in a man. I get the sleezy ones that just like the big girls and want to be sexual with no real grit to them. I want to be swept off my feet in love and in romance and to snuggle together and sleep huddled together at night in the bed.
I'm bitter, at God, at myself, and Justin, and my parents. My parents would tell me as usual that I had to be thinner to get a husband. I say you don't, and there's proof of it, just not my own proof. I'm tired of making excuses for Justin, though I'm no fool, I truly believe some of it. I just think he has so much more growing up to do and I don't know if he'll do it in time for us to work out together. I'm exhausted of the situation...and I want out but I am genuinely terrified of being alone the rest of my life, to not get to fulfill the dream of being a wife and mother. Is there anybody who loves me?
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